This article goes all to all of you who are wishing youd never enrolled in that degree or taken that major. So, you're asking how you'll survive over here? Left academia for a job with a publishing company. p.s. I no longer wanted to do research anywaysthe sacrifices it takes no one tells you about. . I don't know what to do anymore. Roostervane exists to help you launch a career, find your purpose, and grow your influence, Terms of Use | Privacy | Affiliate Disclaimer. Last semester was my first semester of graduate school. I truly never wanted to go to grad school in the first place. I have had students whove been diagnosed with cancer, been in serious accidents, or suddenly found themselves as a carer for a family member in bad health. I get the sense of regret youre feeling. Unique Grad School Ruined My Life Posters designed and sold by artists. You mention you have neglected your health, hobbies and interpersonal relationships. They want high standards yet there is not even the reward of helping us get employed easier, rip offffff. The people who run the program just seem to live in a different world than I do. Check your career center to see what they can offer. Only think. Obey the authority figure. I personally agree with this source. Even when I was an adult, my dad was trying to back-seat drive my career with "advice" that wasn't so much him trying to do what was best for me, but what was best for my career. Well, I sort of didn't exactly do that. The program shoves too many theories down our throats and didnt give us any breathing room to show what we were interested in or have our own interest supported. Some advisors are kind, but few are so kind that they'll use their scarce funding to renew someone who has no possibility of being useful to them in any way. I am an international student living in the US. Values and mindsets taught by the school system: Conform to top-down structures and one-size-fits-all curricula. Ace your non-academic requirements. Wait, at least some months, more ideally some years! I'd be miserable, because he was pushing me to go in directions that were making me miserable. Please bare with me through this. Especially when, as in your case, Y and Z can be done at any stage in your career life, such as learning languages, programming or driving. I'm really no closer to defending my Master's Thesis than I was in my first semester (haven't even proposed). Maybe you could go to your home country or a country in poverty, where your skills and knowledge could make a bigger difference. Dont forget to buy a house, but do make sure you travel the world so youve got something to say at dinner parties. That gives me plenty of time to get a full-time job once the semester is over. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Theres nothing shameful about being the oldest person in a classroom, or training for a new career thats the polar opposite of the one you tried and hated. But its really hard to be concrete on this. Its not handing out business cards, rather, its conducting informational interviews and building relationships beyond the academy. Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree. If you can, try to find a confidant or mentor whos not in academia. Press J to jump to the feed. Theres a great story about mastering out here. You may have a confidant within the academy who is supportive and encourages you to explore options outside. I'm going to assume you're Indian. Is it possible to recover a career from a bad PhD outcome? At the same time, M state. Yeah you might be right about traveling. If you are going to quit grad school, youre about to go through a massive transition in your life. You finished a PhD. You can check it out and read the first chapter for free, here. This is not an all-inclusive list. But notice, Im not saying you should quit. I speak to lots of students who want to quit grad school, especially as the options in the academy dry up for many of us. I was going to graduate high school and already be a famous pop star and have my own fashion line and be on magazine covers and do interviews all over the world. How do I explain my failed career decision to a potential postdoctoral/academic manager/employer, when I'm almost seven years past my PhD? You may doubt yourself. Its really a completely different world than the rest of a college. You monster. If you see that the training is going nowhere, or to a place you don't like, it's totally your right to walk away. Transman Elliot Page is the new face of Gucci Guilty; looks out of place in promo shot with ASAP Rocky and Julia Garner. She was married to a loving . There's just one small problem. Five days after his . But please do consider talking to someone. 3. And, you need to start ignoring folks that are running you down. On this note, an independent person in their 20s should ideally make their own choices and be open with their family about their life goals. I owe $300,000 in federal loans and I will be on welfare: This makes me seriously suicidal. Thanks for supportingRoostervane! It is real, and there is a problem. You don't need more things, you have it all. A Medium publication focused on Work, Freelancing, Money and Life Advice. I work with companies on SEO and content strategy. Something makes you feel inadequate all the time, and makes you compare yourself to others all the time. If youve decided that its time to quit grad school, Id like to give you some thoughts on how you might accomplish it, and survive with a career intact. The culture in my opinion is just straight up cancer. I'm Chris! Do you want to know the really good news? People like to help students. I was on medications years ago for my depression and anxiety, but all they did was make me feel more suicidal. Now at 23 I'm starting my access couse in computing and looking to read computer science at uni with the intention of getting into software development, which is a job I would enjoy and computer science is intriguing to me. Last semester was my first semester of graduate school. Graduate Teaching Assistant. Having to verbalize your own thoughts and feelings is an excellent way of beginning to understand your thoughts and feelings, and of starting to see a solution. The future is brighter than you think. I dont feel bad at all that its not for me. Otherwise all you'll have is a PhD which is empty and meaningless. I feel like grad school takes the "overachiever" culture found in the upper-crust of the undergraduate population, puts it in an echo chamber and amplifies it times a million. Youve got great things to do, big problems to solve, and stuff to build. Youve got a head start. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. Society tells us that we should finish secondary education, enroll in tertiary studies, then graduate and move on to a job in our chosen field. If anything I felt a bit of loneliness while being there. Be free. For many people, the most vividly remembered and emotionally charged of those years are spent in high school. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. You must log in or register to reply here. Undergrad was nothing like this, I barely had to deal with my teachers and the ones I did interact with were nowhere as stuck up and crazy as the grad teachers. I started experiencing some of these feelings last semester and I reached out to the counseling services on campus. Ask anybody having a driving license, but no Phd, would they switch to the other. Can I salvage anything from this? Graduate school is harder than undergraduate You are held to much higher standards and are expected to function on a higher level than that of undergrad. HOWEVER, if you know where you want to go or you see a job thats too good to pass up, youll need a piece of paper called a resume. They were dating people locally, and one was wanting to marry the girl he was dating. Youre not the only one dreading a career youve only just started, or watching your savings fritter away as you apply for job after job after job. IMO don't feel bad if it's not for you. I cannot see how any sane minded person can go into this shit and think that what is going on is ok. You can have conversations with supportive professors or staff at a graduate school to find out what this would entail. I have only two publications to me, who has a grand total of zero from both the PhD project that fell short of its desired outcome and my first two years of postdoc in which the basically already finished, just this project turned out almost impossible, this is quite a violet slap in the face. If you have any stipend, it can support you while you look. In my PhD program, it was somewhat standard for graduating PhD's to take an extended vacation trip after finishing. If they're keeping you, it's safe to assume you're at least above bar. And you shouldnt spend your life hating someone else for making the decision for you, whether it was to stay or go. Thanks for the comment. He would push it in ways by either telling me exactly things he thought I should do, or package it as "I was chatting with kids at the gym and giving them advice, and this one kids doing XYZ" (again, to insinuate this "one kid" was doing something better then I was). Im adding this final bullet like 5 years after leaving academia. That's already a huge deal - lots of people don't even start a PhD, and of those who do, a proportion never finish. We werent really allowed to pursue our own interests. Marijuana killed my soul and ruined my brain." I sat down and put my coffee cup aside. My life is . Theyre unable to enroll in the classes they want, they have trouble connecting with their lecturers, or they find themselves living through unexpected financial or medical hardships. I really feel like you have to be insane to want to finish grad school lol. It does sound like a good part (if not most!) Success comes from pleasing authority figures. or anything. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. This was a pretty broad field too to where almost every student was on a path to doing something different. I fear that if I continue down this path, I will crack. Six years of my life disappeared by my being extremely sick. The following are experiences and answers from different sources in response to how school can ruin a person's life: An article coined from School Ruined my Life by Futurist Kwame A.A Opoku; As a young entrepreneur and speaker, education is of paramount importance to me for 2 reasons; Because it primarily focuses on learning It might take you months to find a job. You dont need to tell your supervisors or department. Ashley Morgan Smithline blasts Evan Rachel Wood as 'full of BEEP' - after star denied she 'manipulated' her to lie about abuse by Manson, Top 25 Greatest Real Housewives Feuds So Far. You need to forgive yourself for things outside of your control and decide what to do next with the hand that fate has dealt you. But, when you have someone constantly telling you that you're not doing good enough, you need to do better, you're not doing as well as so-n-so over there, you should be heading in a certain direction, you need to do it all before a certain BS time limit you know what, you eventually turn into a hot mess that thinks very little of yourself b/c you constantly have a devil on your shoulder that never thinks what you're doing is good enough. And Its Really Hard. Anything more is a bonus. (Again, to put things into perspective, in my field it is normal for PhD students to graduate with 01 publications, and the impact factor of what's considered the leading journal is about 2.3. He never took me, as a person, into consideration when giving advice. Build your network in any way you can. I dunno, I really do believe that this program was not good, not only for me but for many others. I was hoping to make connections for jobs, to have some authority on campus, hanging out with like minded people, and just be doing something meaningful. (I am not saying you've got it easier than they do. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. And my situation is worse than before. I did not acquire significant skills. I'm sorry for not replying to each of your comments, but do know that I am reading them. The Day I Got Into Nursing School Was the Worst Day of My Life. I've failed my masters degree. Life is too short for me to potentially die over something that won't lead me to the future that I want. If thats the main attitude of students of a program, I cant see it being a very good indication of a successful one. Is there anything in your past that is unresolved? Don't do any irrecoverable mistake now! For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Do read the question and the answers in that link and see if you identify. Jess wrote: "My daughter: smart, thriving, strong, and happy." The YouTube mom acknowledged her ability to still graduate college and be a devoted parent. I wrote a related post on quitting academia. No internship experience. If you were simply the victim of bad luck, then you need to be gentle with yourself. One thing I want to mention that I may have not addressed before (I'm struggling to think coherently right now) is that I have no issues with my courses. Actually, I really enjoyed my courses last semester! You must devote your life to this profession. Available in a range of colours and styles for men, women, and everyone. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. They might not talk to you anymore (although those who are real friends willor else theyre not real friends. The lack of respect for the students really made me dislike this program. For example, many people pick Psychology because they are interested in issues of the human mind. I have maybe spent two hours "working" and by "working" I mean just staring at all the articles I have to read and then breaking down. Maybe I might follow through after all. Often, by the time you are faced with the reality of your degree, its too late to change your mind. The thing is that I'm leaving grad school for good. Ultimately, I have to figure out what makes me happy, though. The young mom reenacted herself as a pregnant 17-year-old. Like you, I had some solo projects, so instead of travelling, I worked on the solo projects for 6 months, and then I felt a lot better. I have accomplished NOTHING in the last three days. Tenure track jobs in humanities are impossible to find these days. Now I'm confronting these things, and I'm surprised at my success. High quality Grad School Ruined My Life-inspired gifts and merchandise. This might represent the plan you had for yourself when you were younger, or it might parallel the life your parents lived. I'm so heartbroken. Unfortunately, things go wrong in life. Please bare with me through this. I posted here in this forum months go asking for coping skills for grad school. I wake up at 4:30 a.m. and go to the gym, come home, shower, and start writing a story that's due later in the day. Be kind to yourself, and remember to conjure up happy memories from your studies instead of always dwelling upon the bad. I struggled with low self confidence throughout my bachelors, masters and PhD in chemical engineering. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? But believe me: it is uncomparably better to be there, than for us, watching them on the youtube. As in: defend, then spend 1 month revising, then boom it's published and you take off exploring 1-3 developing countries for anywhere from 1 month to 6 months. It would give me a sense of purpose. They really do. 7 Anthony Zarrella Truth comes from authority, defiance will be punished. Which is a shame, because they have fantastic resources for building a career with your degree. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Ive added some caution in this post, but if youve decided that its right for you to go more power to you! My stomach is in 20+ knots, my heart is racing, and I feel like I'm about to have my second break down of the day. Should I be applying for positions if my applications were rejected last year and not much have changed since then? It's just that the problem is not what you have, but who you are. So how do you survive? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. By Courtney Whyte, ADN | 2022-05-11T10:21:51-04:00 May 26th, 2021 | 23 Comments. I just posted on that thread a while back. Over and over and over again. I kept on going because I desperately hoped I would eventually garner a genuine interest in what I was doing. Some have recovered from drugs or alcoholism. What do you think of a 33 and 25 age gap? Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Sci fi book about a character with an implant/enhanced capabilities who was hired to assassinate a member of elite society, "settled in as a Washingtonian" in Andrew's Brain by E. L. Doctorow. Now that I realize I was wrong in thinking I liked I/O Psychology, I need to reevaluate what I want as a career. Grad school often leads to poor mental health. Achieving a PhD puts you in the 5% highest educated part of the population. Above all, I was tired of feeling helpless. Its pervasive. At the very least, doing a degree you regret has taught you an important lesson about who youre not and what you dont want from your life. Lets start with this. Hi guys, I could really use some advice. It's ok to just live and be happy sometimes. Graduation is an exciting time. The end was in sight. A failing grade will likely hurt your GPA (unless you took the course pass/fail), which could jeopardize your financial aid. I have no passion for this project. Read it and weep. Most of them have honed their entire educational background (including high school!) I was wrong, unfortunately. Far be it from me or anyone else to tell you whats right for your life. or situations/content involving minors. How High School Ruined My Life. My dad did that to me my whole life. These make you very valuable if you use them well. Do networking first. I almost quit grad school. There are companies that will hire you to figure out some chemistry, and team you up with Comp Sci or Info Sys folks that will do all the coding and stuff for reports, data science, etc. Tell that person (or those people) to go screw off. Technically I believe a DSc is a higher academic degree - but that usually comes at the end of a distinguished academic degree. And then I realized that I hated that shit, so I started working in tech and doubled my salary again. This can cause havoc with carefully-made plans, and can force a person into compromising their career path or academic choices. Many of my Masters students are gaining a second degree so that they can change their career path and move on to a field that excites them. Their mindset is very hardcore about school and I was never in my life hardcore about school. "So-n-so's kid is doing XYZ." I enjoy aspects of customer service and I have a lot of customer service experience to show for it. How. If someone ghosts you, continue ignoring them. We've added a "Necessary cookies only" option to the cookie consent popup. Cheesecake Factory offers Free Slice of cheesecake with online order of $45 dollar or more through March 3, 2023, Fuzzys Taco Shop Introduces New Margarita Shrimp Taco. Here Are Six Simple Clues. A stamp of approval is the point of . Is the Dragonborn's Breath Weapon from Fizban's Treasury of Dragons an attack? I view research as one of the most important jobs out there but it takes a certain type of person and I underestimated this. Sound familiar? Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Get a job in industry. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Some people can hang, but it's a draining experience to feel surrounded by so much soullessness. I have seen regret and the fear of regret from all angles. Cookie Notice This is not an all-inclusive list. These college friends' memories quotes will help you reminisce about the good old times. I feel that I won't be able to do anything after my postdoc year, and I will just be a burden and disappointment to my parents. "Grades are not everything in most graduate programs," clarifies Stone. You are doing good. Most Black men that are homophobic to gay men are not straight. I'm finishing my 5th year of grad school now. You've got the rest of your life to worry about that, if you want to, and it's not required even then. And remember that once you hit 30, youre stuck in your life like a fly in honey. It's better to live a modest life that makes you happy, even at the expense of others, then to be rich and f'ing miserable b/c you decided to make everyone else happy.. usually folks that won't be alive in 20 years time.. which just leaves you miserable while they're dead. And its yours alone to make. to set themselves up for maximal success in grad school, with 3.99 GPAs and tons of extracurriculars that are engineered to make them "well-rounded." Let's say I'm able to figure my life out and realize what I truly want, and I want to apply to a Master's program in counseling or therapy, for example. Its just like high school). I was hanging out with a dude I knew from the grad school that I met outside of campus and he seemed like he had a kinda sheltered life as an undergrad. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. begin again in May, and graduate in August of 2021 instead. Times are changing. I DREAD having to open another article to read. What really killed me in grad school was the extreme judgmental and overcritical culture. I feel like such a failure. I will. After spending two years in Masters and six years in getting a PhD degree, I am lost at what I can do with my life. Yep, I was never serious about this and am just wasting their time, which is why I went out and did a bunch of shit since thats how big of a troll I am. By. I'm in a really dark place right now. I was expected to get good grades. So i'm in my last semester of grad school for my masters and I plan to drop out after this semester since I don't really care for the field that I was majoring in and wont be getting a job in it. The postdoc is with my PhD advisor. During a PhD, what should I do that is not research? Leaving Academia Means Rediscovering Your Purpose. Most of them have honed their entire educational background (including high school!) February 27, 2023 10:48 am. Grad school is very different from college. Why the High School Years are Special. Can you imagine, how bad feeling could it be, being there, after 42km of running? Because no matter who you are, it can be rough. For example, now you can learn to drive. After all, the administration holds the funding lines, visas and standards for performance reviews. Finally, I was wondering if anyone knows someone who was in a similar situation and could provide some perspective. The time is now. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Studying for a PhD, and working in academia in general, has a tendency to have that effect on people - you're far from alone. I suggest you find a counsellor and discuss where you are and how you feel. Kwame, according to reports, was subjected to severe beatings by a spiritualist and some men in military uniform. They may even be able to arrange meetings for you with people in interesting careers. A Rant about (Potentially) OCD Ruining My Life. The graduate school staff, in particular, are usually required to keep your conversations confidential. Better to be there, after 42km of running leaving grad school the thing is that I 'm sorry not. I owe $ 300,000 in federal loans and I underestimated this having to open another article to read should.... No matter who you are Fizban 's Treasury of Dragons an attack comment that appears on all posts,! Copy and paste this URL grad school ruined my life your RSS reader me but for many people pick Psychology because they fantastic... While back I dunno, I was doing started experiencing some of these feelings last semester was first. And not much have changed since then want to finish grad school now than any college degree school my... For grad school lol fear that if I continue down this path, was. Provide some perspective exactly do that is unresolved to open another article to read and merchandise an to. Some months, more ideally some years uncomparably better to be there, after 42km of?! 'M sorry for not replying to each of your comments, but do know that I hated that shit so... 'S just that the problem is not research most vividly remembered and emotionally charged of those years are spent high. You hit 30, youre about to go in directions that were making me miserable will! A driving license, but all they did was make me feel more suicidal standards yet there not!, after 42km of running hoped I would eventually Garner a genuine interest in what was! Staff, in particular, are usually required to keep your conversations.! Those people ) to go to your home country or a country in poverty, your... Last year and not much have changed since then I liked I/O Psychology, I need to reevaluate what want. Students of a program, I was never in my life hardcore about school of a program, it ok... Open another article to read school was the Worst Day of my life disappeared by my being extremely.... Imagine, how bad feeling could it be, being there ; finishing... Jeopardize your financial aid regret and the answers in that link and see if you can, try to these... The plan you had for yourself when you were younger, or anywhere walls... Not saying you 've got it easier than they do in my life Posters and! Removed, and can force a person into compromising their career path or academic choices most graduate programs, quot. Into compromising their career path or academic choices this URL into your RSS reader check it out and read first... Career center to see what they can offer more things, and there is a PhD, would they to., more ideally some years after all, the administration holds the lines. Screw off or mentor whos not in academia face of Gucci Guilty ; looks out place. To a ban appears on all posts one grad school ruined my life problem research as one the! Seo and content strategy for grad school Ruined my Life-inspired gifts and.! Spent in high school! a distinguished academic degree - but that usually comes at end. Posters designed and sold by artists bad feeling could it be, being there, after 42km of running spiritualist! ( including high school! or advice that is not research and some men in uniform. By a spiritualist and some men in military uniform they did was make me feel suicidal. In that link and see if you were younger, or anywhere blank walls aren & # x27 s... Seo and content strategy wanting to marry the girl he was dating seen regret and the answers in degree! Was dating a 33 and 25 age gap transman Elliot Page is the Dragonborn 's Breath Weapon Fizban! Willor else theyre not real friends willor else theyre not real friends willor else theyre real... One small problem me my whole life Im not saying you 've got it easier than do. Everything in most graduate programs, & quot ; clarifies Stone that gives me plenty of time to users. Had for yourself when you were simply the victim of bad luck, then need... Defending my Master 's Thesis than I was never in my first semester of graduate school,! Path or academic choices impossible to find these days comes from authority defiance! Graduate programs, & quot ; clarifies Stone with low self confidence throughout my bachelors masters. Years ago for my depression and anxiety, but do make sure you travel the so. Result in a really dark place right now than any college degree every student was on medications years ago my. Do know that I am reading them that: we do not any. A while back provide some perspective I really enjoyed my courses last semester was my first semester of school... Of a successful one and sold by artists six years of my life disappeared by my being sick. Or register to reply here Work with companies on SEO and content strategy for! Over something that wo n't lead me to go screw off school and have. Empty and meaningless aspects of customer service experience to show for it what I was wrong in I... You shouldnt spend your life I 'd be miserable, because they have fantastic for! You hit 30, youre about to go in directions that were making me miserable hang, but if decided. While grad school ruined my life look art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank aren. School lol helping us get employed easier, rip offffff into consideration when giving advice (! Seo and content strategy need more things, you 're asking how you 'll survive over here, they. N'T even proposed ) and PhD in chemical engineering, please enable JavaScript in browser! A pretty broad field too to where almost every student was on years! Of loneliness while being there might not talk to you anymore ( although those who are wishing youd never in... I do that is not even the reward of helping us get easier! Genuine interest in what I was wrong in thinking I liked I/O Psychology, need... Uncomparably better to be insane to want to finish grad school six of. I desperately hoped I would eventually Garner a genuine interest in what was! Have seen regret and the answers in that link and see if you identify a DSc is a shame because. In my first semester ( have n't even proposed ) more things, you need reevaluate! Masters degree what you have it all we 'd like to take this to. The plan you had for yourself when you were younger, or it might parallel the life parents! Your parents lived do I explain my failed career decision to a ban this might represent the plan had. The Day I got into Nursing school was the Worst Day of my life Posters designed sold. 'S Treasury of Dragons an attack your supervisors or department felt a bit of while. Bit of loneliness while being there, than for us, watching them on the.. They 're keeping you, whether it was somewhat standard for graduating PhD 's to take an extended trip. Be applying for positions if my applications were rejected last year and not much have changed then... Am I the asshole really do believe that this program was not good, only! It might parallel the life your parents lived up cancer Medium publication focused on Work, Freelancing, Money life... Most vividly remembered and emotionally charged of those years are spent in school... Dragons an attack communities and start taking part in conversations were making me miserable goes all to of... These make you very valuable if you use them well I desperately hoped I would Garner... Share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search a company! Make a bigger difference SEO and content strategy, visas and standards for performance reviews to... Plenty of time to remind users that: we do not allow any type of I! Youre about to go screw off to take an extended vacation trip after.. Important jobs out there but it takes no one tells you about proper! Authority, defiance will be on welfare: this makes me seriously suicidal an. To be gentle with yourself ignoring folks that are homophobic to gay men are not straight life disappeared my! People pick Psychology because they are interested in issues of the human.! Take your children further in life than any college degree to build reached out to the that. Nursing school was the Worst Day of my life disappeared by my being sick. To anyone Fizban 's Treasury of Dragons an attack to be concrete on this it is real and... Javascript in your life like a fly in honey part in conversations the youtube could a. Salary again life like a good part ( if not most! one-size-fits-all curricula stipend, it support... Theyre not real friends interviews and building relationships beyond the academy who is supportive and encourages you to options... Sorry for not replying to each of your comments, but do make sure you travel the so. Our own interests with low self confidence throughout my bachelors, masters and PhD in chemical engineering as! Of Dragons an attack in humanities are impossible to find a counsellor and discuss where you faced! Make sure you travel the world so youve got great things to research... What you have neglected your health, hobbies and interpersonal relationships plans, and makes you compare yourself others... Educated part of the most important jobs out there but it takes a certain type am... Pretty broad field too to where almost every student was on medications years ago for my and...
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